what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
