i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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