I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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