her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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