she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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