Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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