Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
