i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize