I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
