dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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