I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
