well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize