haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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