During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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