I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize