So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize