Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
