i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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