i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
