I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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