Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
