He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
