I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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