Yo dont text me then not text me
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
A+ Viking dick
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
