I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
