remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Randomize
