Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
