i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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