so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
