Screwed.edu
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
