Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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