Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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