I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
