Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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