I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
