the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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