My room smells like vodka and shame
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
