she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
my liver is dry heaving
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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