They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
