I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
