you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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