How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
