Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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