I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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