WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
