I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
