You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
