Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
