Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
