sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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