Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
