im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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