farters have to be the big spoon...
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
