I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize