Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
