so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
