so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
