he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
