If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
