He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize