Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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