I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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