Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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