Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
