Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
