I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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