I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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