i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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