I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
