i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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