VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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