I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
