This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just high enough for therapy.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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