looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
