well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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