Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
