Capitaan dildo arrescate!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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