I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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