His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
