You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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