I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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