he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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