That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
