No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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