I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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