last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
