you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
