Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
