There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
