I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
