yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
