dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
