we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
