she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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