The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
