and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
