I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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