Can i not drive my cunt home
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
