Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize