I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
